the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
