Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
