He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
