I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry my hands just texted you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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