im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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