My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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