true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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