theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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