I think I won the penis lottery.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
