just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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