Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
