I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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