I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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