there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
