i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
