Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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