I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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