i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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