It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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