Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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