She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
