what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
