so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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