There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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