i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
