Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
