wanna go halves on a baby?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
