it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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