By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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