he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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