My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
