We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
