who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
