I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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