The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
