I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
