Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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