it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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