There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
