So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
