Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
