So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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