He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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