We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
