It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
