just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize