If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
