do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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