I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
