Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
