At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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