Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
