it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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