If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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