Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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