But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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