New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
