Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
