last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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