just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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