Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
