You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
