yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
