Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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