weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
