is your mom at the bar?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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Just high enough for therapy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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