I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
