so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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