i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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