This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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