I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
