the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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