I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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